Letting Go

People are always afraid to say the things they really feel for fear of being judged accordingly. They are afraid of defying convention, of offending or alienating themselves from the society, acceptance and love they so desperately seek. I’ve spent my entire life searching for the words, the words that would make a difference given a particular situation. I’ve searched many times for those words to express to you my feelings all the while withholding certain thoughts out of this fear. This manifestation can come in many forms ranging from stark emotional barriers and protectionism to complete panic and obsession. I strive to find the middle ground of honesty, openness and loving kindness and respect.

I don’t know what happened here, between us. I’m not angry and I’m not indifferent. Just confused, left without true resolution, something humans need more desperately than even a positive resolution. I’m just a person who feels, who allows himself to feel even though I’m often afraid of being misunderstood as extreme. I have lots of theories about your state of mind and emotions but I hate playing that game. I don’t feel like I should though it’s compelling to do so in absence of anything else.

It was nice, oh so nice. The messages, the calls, and of course the visits. More than that I cannot say for it did not have a chance to fully bloom. Maybe it wasn’t meant to. So, these words instead supplant attempting to create, form, mend, implore, assure, relinquish. We are all mad for sure as we think we can hide ourselves from humanity. It will serve us only so long as we choose not to feel. I refuse to be mad but instead expose myself in the basest emotional sense and for that I will suffer eternally.

All the best to you, my Love.

Jason